A month away....

From a date that will bring into my life a new chapter, a new character a new story to be told along with our own.
A month away to having my parents being able to come and visit me for a month.
A month away from being able to have a body to produce a miracle and be able to start it's recovery process of holding one soul instead of 2
A month away from being able to breath a little easier......

These are all the hopes of everything going as planned and well.

 I have close friends here in Germany who have been filled with surprises in their lives that will change their course, their story, their testimonies (for the better).

One of my friends Meg, who's due date was 6 days before my own left 2 weeks ago back to the states for testing.......Biopsies on her shoulder bone, waiting, wondering......
She was just diagnosed with bone cancer on Wednesday this week at about 5pm and then they told her to come in 2 hours later to induce the baby so they could have surgery and start a 10 week chemo treatment.  Eleanor was born on Thursday this last week healthy and doing alright at 7 lbs 1oz.  Now I haven't received any more updates but i know she will have likely had surgery this past weekend or the first part of this next week.  I cannot imagine what she must be going through.  With all of this her attitude still seems to be bright and full of hope.  She is inspiring to me.

My next friend just had a baby and found out she has down syndrome. She feels the special spirit this little angel has and searches for answers to the unknowns for the future.  She is unable to bring her baby home yet due to jaundice the baby has and it has been a week now.  She longs to have the baby in her arms and in her home with her family.  I pray this Will happen soon.

In the relief Society lesson today we talked about Henry B Eyrings talk in this last conference here on Mountains to climb.  This talk and the sunday school lesson on helamen in the book of mormon fit into how I have been feeling latley and was what I needed to hear....
Helamen 5:41
 41 And Aminadab said unto them: You must ^arepent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have ^bfaith in Christ, who was taught unto you by Alma, and ^cAmulek, and Zeezrom; and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you.

With lifes trials and challenges we face it is amazing what the Lord can do for us.  There have been times in my life where I have felt like the darkness around me would swallow me whole and I would be lost, heart broken, gone.  During these times I have prayed to have the help I need to raise me up out of that darkness.  I prayed even when I didn't want to and felt I couldn't but I did anyway and through my crying out my faith increased and the darkness was lifted and I felt my Faith in Christ be poured out over me and fill my soul with complete warmth and hope.

I know no matter what trial enter's our lives or what challenge falls at our feet we will be able to ALWAYS have HOPE.  Christ is real and he loves each one of us and is there for us.  We just need to repent, cry unto him and until our faith is restored and we can be whole again.

Tomorrow my oldest son goes off to school for the first time and I will admit I cried a bit about it today.  I am excited for him to start a new chapter, to learn new things and to gain experience for himself, it is my first step in letting him do it on his own and I am not liking it too much.  I will miss him during the day.  I love being his mom and this doesn't change that I just hope I have taught him enough to get him by, and continue to teach him everyday the things that are good in this world and in heaven above. 

Tomorrow starts my new chapter of a first grader, one child at home for a few weeks, a new baby on the way, our last year in Germany and more of the unknown that will be unexpected and new but there for my benifit. 
I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me.  I truely feel a connection there now that I haven't had in years past.  He raised me up when I needed him most.  His Son, our Savior Jesus Christ made it possible for me to be able to repent, to do better, to feel loved, to feel hope.  I love him for what he has done for me and for those I love.  I am a daughter of God and everyay that I actually open my scriptures and feast on the words there on its pages and kneel down and pray, I feel that connection with him and know I can fend off temptations, pains from the past, depression, sorrow, bad thoughts from a cunning one who doesn't want me to feel my Saviors love.  I feel Joy, excitement and hope in my future and I am so grateful for this.  I love my family.  My husband and for his love.  My two boys who were driving me crazy one minute today and the next mnute I was asking one of them to snuggle with me while I cried, being a goober and saying I was going to miss him when he goes off to school tomorrow.  For my Little Arya who nudges me and lets me know she is alive within me.  She is growing and I believe she is happy.  I look forward to holding her in my arms and smelling her, kissing her and loving her.
This is my family, the good, the bad, the ugly........ and I am so blessed to have them.