A haircut, A massage, or aggrivated battery, I can't decide

I use my roommates hair clippers down here in the UAE and put them in the wrong plug and burned them up.  The problem was I had not finished my haircut so I had to go pay to get the rest of it cut.  Now I sit here looking back and I am not entirely sure I know what I paid for.  It started out as a haircut and got weirder from there.  After your hair is cut then your head gets brushed off and they put some kind of powder on the brush and give you a little dusting.  From there you get water sprayed on your head at which point the barber begins to massage your head, neck, and shoulders which is a little weird but I did pay over five dollars for this experience so whatever.  At the point where you are all relaxed the barber places his hands together like he is praying and begins to hit you in the head which makes a loud smacking noise and sends your head bobbing back and forth. (I am paying for this mind you.)  He alternates between the massage and trying to give you a slight concussion for about a minute and then shows you to the register.  At this point he asks for a tip which you are sure to give in large amounts for fear of more blunt force trauma and you are sent on your way.  Hopefully you can remember were your room is or the name of the now bald, half dazed individual looking back at you in the mirror when you get there.  All in all a one of a kind experience.  Fun times in the UAE.  Signed, (what is the name of the guy that wrote this entree anyway) Joseph